Its been a while…
Its been a while since I’ve entered these hall of memories. But nonetheless I return again and again.
I’ve been reading into my last posts here, knowing that I would have to change even back then. What I was craving back then took one year to form. I needed a new challenge and have found it.
That this would mean that I would have to leave the country I didnt know but in retroperspective I was running and I had to run. In many ways I am still running, burning up inside with a constant drive and need for change. Not running FROM anything but just having to run.
Its fascinating how I SHOULD be content as I have everything a man could want from life yet still I crave more. I dont know where this constant restlesness comes from but now I sit here looking at it feeling that I just cant stop and have to keep moving. I always imagined myself settling down, doing the boring lifestyle so expected from someone of my upbringing but I only come to life on the edge, constantly having to push forward…
Now having moved from Berlin to Ireland was not the worlds biggest leap but it felt soooo good. Just leaving all the old smelly streets of Berlin behind:
the obscenities and illiterate sprawlings on the wall, soot stained grey east German Plattenbauten. WW2 Bomb holes filled by empty playgrounds surrounded by naked walls with no windows.
A sky always smudged and drained from color through the fumes puked into the sky from brown coal burning ovens and meters of endless struggling masses of smoking screaming metal beneath the high rise overcrowded subway.
Yeah not too many good memories. It always seems grey. Now its time to look forward.