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November 27, 2010 / consciousness

long way from home…

its winter here finally. Snow falling infrot of the window, City and colour doing their best in the 3rd rerun to convince me of the pain of life and I’m finally getting the point. I’ve been so tied down for the last two years, there was always so much to do, so many things running parallel that I lost sight of where I was heading. Dropped right from writing my thesis into a job and must admit, my thesis was more of a challenge. To be honest what I’m doing doesnt need any type of degree, so I’m a bit under the light what that is concerned. Well I was never the person to stop and settle into a daily routine and in some way I must have a rather masochistic trait, as I am actually complaining about a job that ends every day at 4:30 p.m. I had longer hours with the job I was running parallel to my studies! Right now if I work late (that is past 5 pm) I’m often the last person to turn of the light and lock up, but come on, a job like that is what I need when I’m 40ish and have to take care of my armada of screaming kids…

Since there’s no kids, I’m slightly shocked with all this free time that I suddenly have since I started working. Weird, I always thought it would be the other way round. I’ve got more cash AND free time on my hand. But to be honest, its not like I treasure this extra time, as it drains away quicker than I would like it too. Somehow I’ve lost a lot of energy and drive. I need a new challenge. Something big, another mountain to climb that will give me that satisfaction of standing on top and having enjoyed the struggle. something that forces me to keep pushing my own limits. Lets see this sounds like a good bye. Time for something new. need to get my head straight as to where it’ll go and how many bridges I’ll burn along the way, but I dont and cant stop here yet. too young and too full of will power.

I can hear my train comin’
It’s a lonesome and distant cry
I can hear my train comin’
Now I’m runnin’ for my life
What makes a man walk away from his mind?
I think I know
I think I might know

-City and Colour: What makes a man a man


I need to get some fresh air…


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