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November 7, 2006 / consciousness

The joy of life

back from the dead… or something like that would also be a ok title for this. my weekend was completeley farked up. had a smashing graet party at my flat with my flatmates (waaay cool) and then a gig on saturday. ha did we ever kick ass or what?! sofar that doesnt sound too bad now does it? well the downside of it all was, that i was sick through both events. runny nose, cough, fever, you know the whole programm. still i made it through those two days and slept 24 hours ofthe last 48. and guess what, now i’m back on my legs as strong as ever!! or close to.

what i actually wanted to talk abut was the joy of life. or rather a certain part of it, that i have been enjoying lately. being single.

while i watch my mates move in with their girlfriends, others getting engaged, i have seemed to make a complete mess of my love-life. this should be disturbing, but it isnt. somehow i dont know how i ever had the time for a relationship. or rather the nerve or whatever you need to make it work. call me an egoist, call me self-centered (both are probably true) but i enjoy not having to watch out for another person and make my descisions dependant on theirs. i find more time for things that i have to do, things i neglected before. i can breathe again!!
but here we go for a quick philosophical sidestep. as i mentioned before, life is a coin flipped at every descision and depending on which side comes up, our descisions turn out to be good or bad. (this is a very simplistic view. i mean who said that coins only have two faces, or that the faces are really different??) but i guess every situation has its pros and cons. so does being single.
all that seems good and the chance to center my world on myself once more leaves a void that cant be filled. so while i am happy (in some sense) i completely fail to enjoy this… but dont we always dream of that what we cant have??
i once thought i had fullfilled all my dreams, but thankfully once the old once were gone new ones came. a more matured dream has appeared, or rather is taking shape. something is there in the back of my mind that i havent figured out yet.
what better way to find out what it is than to close my eyes and see??

good night and sweet dreams

-rmt

p.s.: check my new header, i tried some extensive photoshoping hehehe amazing program and everytime i use it i find out more about it!!

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